Boiling a Frog… Prove it!

A passerby says to a frog, ‘Hey, you better watch it!’

The frog replies, ‘Huh, watch what?’

Passerby, “You know, you are being boiled to death!”

“What are you talking about?” Comes the frog’s reply.

“The water you are in is slowly heating up and eventually will kill you!”

“No it’s not!” the frog retorts. “Prove it!”

“Well, it is clear the the water you are in is heating up. If you would just be willing to open your eyes to the tremendous amount of heat that is building up around you, maybe you will awaken to what is really going on.”

“And, what is that?” Comes the frogs reply with even more disbelief.

“That you are slowly being lulled to sleep. To be blunt, you are going to boil to death. The water you are in at the moment is very comfortable. It feels good, right?’

“Uh, yeah!” The frog responds with a ting of sarcasm and annoyance in his voice.

“That is what concerns me. Despite how pleasing and comfortable it currently is, eventually it will result in tragedy. And just because all of the other frogs are doing it doesn’t necessarily.…” he pauses.

“What?” The frog replies becoming exceedingly annoyed.

“I’m just saying that despite how good it feels and every other frog seems to be enjoying it, doesn’t necessarily mean it promotes your well being over the long term.”

“Hay pal! I don’t know what you are talking about. Until you have some proof or can explain to me in plain english what you are saying….mind your own business!” The frog groans.

“Okay. Sorry to have bothered you. I get it. You dismiss my friendly warning that you are boiling to death. Yet, you have no clue it is happening despite it is happening right before your very eyes,” the passerby pauses. “Just because no one else has taken the time to express their concerns, you simply will not believe it. I get that, too. I understand you will go back to you habitual ways and sit in your pot of water because it seems safe and you haven’t heard or seen any proof indicating otherwise, until…” the passerby stops speaking.

“Until What?” The frog asks in annoyance.

“Oh, nothing.”

“What do you mean, nothing?” The frog asks in frustration.

“Never mind. Forget I ever said anything,”

“Exactly! That’s what I thought all along!” Screams the frog.

“And what is that?”

“You have no proof of what you speak of. No one has indicated otherwise and all of my friends are doing the same thing. They are perfectly fine! But, you my friend. You seem to be the one who is wrong and misinformed!”

“Sorry, I ever bothered you,” the passerby concedes. “Whatever you decide, watch out for the scorpion,” he bows is head and continues on his way.


Sadly, the frog did boil to death. When he finally realized it, it was too late. Many of his friends did, as well. But, some got sick and eventually returned to the pot.

If only the frog was willing to suspend disbelief for the briefest of moments to consider another way. If the frog heeded the passerby’s warnings and considered another way, things could have ended up better for the frog. Even if the frog had proven the passerby to be wrong, no harm would have come to the frog. On the contrary, the frog might have learned of a better way to exist and enjoy life.

Hope versus fear.

Choosing happiness versus the need to be right.

Ease versus dis-ease.

Love versus hate. 


By the way, in case you are wondering, I am selling something. I have found another way. Unfortunately, it was after my wife’s diagnosis with stage-four non-Hodgkin lymphoma over fifteen years ago. The great news is that she found another way and chose not jump back into the pot. Our lives have been transformed as a result.

All I intend to do is show you another way. And if it means selling you something, so be it! I hope you can prove me wrong, but I doubt you will. Even if you do, I just might have saved you from boiling to death. Even better, I just might have shown you a different way to live and thrive.

I wish you love, health and happiness.

T.E. Corner

PHMiracle

Joie de Vivre, Living with a Ravenous Thirst for Life: “When our minds are clear and we are free of misguided energy amazing things happen” with Tom Corner and Dr. Marina Kostina

The Mosh Pit of Your Mind — If we understand that our thoughts create things and that more than 50,000 thoughts flit through our minds on a daily basis, we then must be very attentive to what and how we feed our minds. This is analogous to a mosh pit at a rock ’n roll concert. If []

Read the Article: Click Here

Get your head in the clouds Why it’s important to exercise your imagination – WeightWatchers by Sarah Munn

“Our imaginations are what allow us to accomplish things in life that we never thought possible,” says author and motivational speaker Tom Corner.

“Using our imaginations is what allows us evolve,” he says. “Our imaginations allowed us to land on the moon. Our imaginations allowed us to create the smartphone.”

Read the full article: Click Here

 

Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! (Part 5.0)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019! Are you still there? How are your resolutions going? You didn’t give up already, did you?

When approaching our resolutions, goal planning, life mapping (even business planning, research and writing articles) you may find it helpful to approach it in a two step process of Review & Reflect (start simple) and then expand it into multiple steps of Review, Refine & Reflect. Yep! Multiple steps. 

Remember, gradually and then suddenly! Don’t fall for the illusion of instant success. If you want resolutions and goals to work you must keep it simple and allow the time (patience) for your resolutions and goals to manifest.

What makes this an even more powerful and fulfilling process is knowing that you must revise, and update, your resolutions and goals throughout the year and your life to truly meet with success. 

All of the detail that we pour into a good resolution or goal is typically the culprit of analysis paralysis leaving us stuck. Admittedly this is very overwhelming and tedious, but also critical to success.

Mix in a little bit of fear of failure which initially prevents many people from even completing a list of resolutions or goals makes this an intimidating process and most quit before they begin or just a few days into it. Remember, sixty-six days to start a new habit!

Back to keeping it simple; goal setting can be as basic as Reviewing & Reflecting. But, to ultimately be successful it must be done over and over again until the goals are truly yours and are attainable. It will become a process that you complete with much less angst and struggle, eventually finding it quite enjoyable.

Upon opening your annual Goal Planning/Life Mapping worksheet here is a process that just might work for you (this process can be used for writing, research, and more):

  1. Review #1— Read the worksheet in its entirety or in parts all depending on the worksheet and your focus in that moment.
    1. Brain-storm — After finished reviewing the worksheet, or while reviewing it, write down your initial thoughts, ideas, goals. This is the non-thinking process, allowing your thoughts to flow unhindered. 
        • Brainstorming can be a productive process to “produce ideas and ways of solving problems” and “generate new ideas and solutions.” But, it can end up being ineffectual and “a moment in which one is suddenly unable to think clearly or act sensibly” or “a state of temporary insanity.”  Be careful!
    1. This is the “What?” part of resolution and goal setting. Not much is captured about the “Why?” or the “How?” of making resolutions or setting goals. 
        • Note: If thoughts about the “Why?” or “How?” come to mind during this stage, don’t let them go. Make sure you capture them.
  1. Reflect (walk away) #1 — To avoid forcing the process and writing down resolutions or goals because you are ‘supposed to’ just walk away. Walking away allows you to think about, reflect on, the worksheet in an environment that does not create pressure to complete it. You might go for a run, go to the gym, go to the store, even do the laundry or work on a different project or task.
  2. Review #2 — After you are done with your initial reflection, come back to review the worksheet once again.
    1. Brain-shower — Review the worksheet and refine your initial thoughts, ideas and goals. You can even capture new ones. 
        • Note: This is not as intense as a brain-storm nor as insane. This promotes clearer thinking. You will become more focused and think creatively about the “Why?” and “How?”
  1. Reflect (walk away) #2 — Once again, you may find it beneficial to walk away to allow time to clear your mind and reflect on the work you just completed. 
        • Note: If this seems overwhelming and tedious, it should. The good news? After going through this process a number of times you will find it to be a fairly easy and enjoyable process. Remember, gradually and then suddenly!
        • Note: You may find it just as effective to stay where you are and reflect. Walking away is a metaphor for taking a break.
  1. Review #3 — After your second Review & Reflect phase you will come back to review the worksheet for the third time.
    1. Brain-clearing — Now it is time to get into the “Why?” and the “How?” of resolution and goal planning. Answering the “Why?” of resolution and goal planning is fairly straight forward and relatively easy. During this phase your resolutions and goals will become clearer.
        • Note: Asking “Why?” is a great exercise because we may discover that a resolution or goal that we previously decided upon is in fact one we truly do not want to pursue. This is when your resolutions and goals become real and you will find yourself taking ownership of them.
        • Note: Capturing the “How?” will be an entirely different experience and could prove to be the most tedious.
    1. Refine your resolutions and goals, organize your thoughts and clean up any clutter.
  1. Reflect (walk away) #3 — Yes, once again, walk away and reflect on your “Why?” and “How?”

Okay! Had enough? Well, I have and I need to walk away for a moment to reflect. Take this time to reflect on what we went through the past few days. 


In the next segment we will cover another critical aspect to making your resolutions and goal planning successful. But, before you go…

      • Repeat this process as many times as necessary to get you out of the gates. At that point you will be able to Refine your resolutions and goals each time you Review them.
      • Remember…
        • Start simple to avoid analysis paralysis. 
          • Review, Refine & Reflect
          • What? Why? & How?
              • You owe it to yourself to Review, Refine & Reflect throughout the year as often as possible.
        • Gradually and then suddenly. 
        • Sixty-six days to begin a new habit.
        • On the other side of a “No” is a “Yes.”
        • Failure is an ancestor of success.

Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! (Part 4.0)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I just downloaded another 2019 Goal Planning/Life Mapping worksheet! They are everywhere and they all look-alike!

Believe it or not I enjoy the process of goal planning and life mapping. It has become a fun task and I would dare say that it is fairly easy. Plus, I find it an amazing and empowering exercise in planning my future, my life and my success.

But, it can be a very painful and agonizing process. And it is truly very hard to successfully accomplish. The hard part is not writing down and capturing your goals, but truly believing in your goals and never giving up.

Around this time every year I open a goal planning/life mapping worksheet and stare at it mesmerized by the questions scattered across the pages. This is soon followed with analysis paralysis as I ponder the detail that is required to effectively answer the questions.

  1. What are your personal goals? What are your financial goals? What are your career goals?
  2. Why are they important to you?
  3. How will you implement a strategy to successfully accomplish your goals?

These simple questions can be so daunting. But, in order for it to be successful you must put a good amount of thought and detail into it.

Even more important than capturing your goals is your belief in them. Do you really believe in the goals you are setting for yourself? When you capture (write, type, speak, record..) your goals, pay attention to how you feel. Where in your body do you feel resistance, stress or even slight pain? Although you are saying you want to accomplish a particular goal your underlying belief system might be saying otherwise, that you will not achieve that goal.

Over the next few days we will look at the process of goal setting so you can avoid analysis paralysis. Next we will review mindset myths of goal (resolution) setting. After that we will take a look at ways you can break through any resistance  in your underlying thoughts and belief system.

I am glad you are here and I look forward to achieving happiness and success together!


Note: I started writing books to share ‘life lessons’ for my daughters (and anyone else who could benefit) so they could achieve inner peace, self acceptance and success early on in life.

In writing List for Santa, List for Life! my hope was to share the power of goal, or list writing, as a critical part of achieving all we desire in life. List for Santa, List for Life! is a children’s book, but it really is a book for people of all ages. 

The premise is about the first list of ‘goals’ Kylie, the story’s protagonist, ever captured in the form of her Christmas list. The key takeaway is about embracing the habit of writing lists (goals, resolutions, etc.) to achieve the things in life we desire.

Another critical aspect of successful goal setting is a positive mindset which is the theme of my second book, Positive Thoughts, Positive Life! This is a topic we will cover in future articles.

Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! (Part 3.0)

Welcome back to Part 3.0 Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap!

Seriously, don’t stop setting resolutions. Just change your expectations — At the outset I mentioned that I stopped making resolutions years ago. But, I really didn’t. Yes, I grew tired of failed resolutions. I grew tired of hearing the same resolutions year after year. But, the simple fact that I kept them front and center every year gradually laid the groundwork for ‘sudden’ success.

Another aspect of failed resolutions and successful ones are expectations. Most resolutions are made because it is the thing to do and are based on flawed expectations. Real resolutions are thought out and planned, not at the spur of the moment or based on other peoples’ resolutions and expectations.

Many expectations are flawed because they are based on the illusion of instant success smeared across the headlines, social media, tabloids, news, and more.

By revising my expectations and gradually changing my habits, I absolutely changed my mindset. I, too, have learned from failures which paved the way for success.

Remember —The road to success is riddled with potholes of failure. More often than we like to admit we hit big potholes which stop our momentum, change our direction and tease us with thoughts of a failed journey. These potholes in life’s journey test our fortitude, our strength and our resilience.

Know —We really don’t quit. On the contrary we simply revise our goals (resolutions), reset our expectations to eventually meet with success. The goal or resolution that we end up achieving may be altered or modified from its original form to meet our current needs and expectations at that particular point on our journey.

Believe — Success is always in our sights, but all too often we hit the potholes of failure, which temporarily reroute us and provide us with learning opportunities.

This year you can still make your usual resolutions, but make at least one that you will stick with for 66 days. Once that incites real change with the right mindset. Keep it in your sights, adjust it when you hit a pothole on your journey and focus on gradually getting better with each day, then suddenly you will realize you did not wait and you actually met with success.


Tomorrow be on the lookout for Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! (Part 4.0) when we take a look at the how toEnsure You Meet with Success and Sooner!

Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! (Part 2.0)

Welcome back! In Part 2.0 Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! we will take a look at Real Change and Right Mindset.

#2 Real Change, Right Mindset — Real change as Tony Robbins has mentioned happens when the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain to change. Allow me to elaborate, real change must also be done with the proper mindset for it to truly succeed. If our mindset is misaligned and change is made in the face of anger or resentment it may not be the real change we intended.

Think about when you were a kid or think about your own kids. We often resisted change coming from our parents or other adult figureheads. Even if we forged forward and made the change (because we had to) we made it with a mindset of resentment, maybe even anger. Once the change proved successful we still held onto anger and resentment until the realization hit us that the change we made was in fact for the better.

Even worse, have you ever experienced the scenario when someone was forced to make a change and they ended up doing more of that particular thing they were supposed to change Could it be that a mindset of resentment and rebellion results in a failure to make the change necessary or even worse doing more of it?

Creatures of Habit —Let’s face it, we are creatures of habit. We do the same things over and over again because it works, or appears to work. If our habits or rituals cause no harm and keep us safe, then why would we change?

Pay attention to your routine and how you respond or react to people. If things worked in the past and you remained safe why in the world would you change it? Even if the things we are doing are inherently bad, unhealthy, or negative we most likely continue to do them because they seem to work. No harm, no foul, so why change? Can you see now how our minds just might perceive change as a potential threat to our comfort and safety, ultimately leading to failed resolutions?

66 Days Have you ever heard of the 21 day rule to break a habit? Well, I have more news for you. It takes 66 days to start a new habit! Meaning you have to give your resolutions time; gradually and then suddenly.


Tomorrow be on the lookout for Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! (Part 3.0) when we take a look at changing our expectations; expectations of ourselves and expectations of others.

Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! (Part 1.0)

I am a little early, but Happy New Year! Did you make your resolutions? I have news for you. I haven’t made a New Year’s resolution in years! I never quite understood the practice especially upon hearing the usual culprits year after year; lose weight, start exercising, stop drinking, start eating healthier, stop smoking, and many more.

Over the next few days we will look at what we can do this year to manifest the real change we desire in our lives. Enjoy Part 1.0.

#1 Be realistic! — The aforementioned resolutions are very abrupt. To simply ‘stop’ or ‘start’ something is a huge shock and quite difficult to accomplish. Especially when we make resolutions to stop drinking after we just had a drink, to stop smoking after we just had a cigarette, or to start eating healthier after we just had a big piece of pie. 

Include a lack of planning and focus our New Year’s resolutions become even flightier and an easier target for failure leading to an “Oh crap!” moment.

Gradually and then suddenly — Do not fall for the illusion of instant, or overnight, success. Anyone who has ever met with success, or failure, experienced it gradually and then suddenly. (The Sun Also Rises, Hemingway 1926) (Fierce Conversations, Scott 2002)


Tomorrow be on the lookout for Resolutions, hooray! Oh crap! (Part 2.0) when we take a look at the Real Change and Right Mindset.

Hey! You Gonna Write About This?

“Hey! You gonna write about this?” the words floated from the phone.

“Are you kidding me? Of course!” I enthusiastically cheered to my friend John Knowles, host of the What’s That Like? Podcast.

I knew this was worth writing about. It would be an honor to write about it,….but after recording the podcast, and after listening to it, the following question arose; “What else is there to write about?”

We laid everything out for the world to hear on John’s podcast. Over seventy-seven minutes I reveal my life, my fears, my anger, my doubt….ultimately revealing my strength [your strength]! What else was there to reflect on?

Well, if you are reading this you know that I am gonna write about it and I am gonna go a little deep. It was as though each precious minute we spent together represented seventy-seven individual forms of release from, and forgiveness for, the nearly one-hundred self-inflicted scars from my past. This was a past I laid out for the world to read in the thirty-three thousand words of my memoir, Borrowed Eyes and Feet – Finding Enlightenment After Rage.

We spoke about life, dreams, fears, the past, the future, friendship, the “What?” and the “Why?” of life. I found forgiveness for most of the scars from my past, yet a few still lingered. Undeterred, I continue my journey towards forgiveness for all that remains.

So, what am I gonna write about? Stay tuned, for this is just the beginning and I will leave you with this to ponder, “Will we ever be free from our scars [from our past]?” 

Segue….

John does an amazing job interviewing guests. Those who are good at conversation and interviewing make it appear simple, that anyone can do it. This is far from the truth. Months before John and I spoke about how easy it appears to be, which is something he takes for granted. He is excellent at conversation. He is excellent at allowing his guests to speak. He is excellent at keeping the dialogue moving and ferreting out the tidbits and gems from his guests which ultimately keeps you listening. My interview was no different.

The topic of being a guest on John’s What’s That Like? Podcast was something we spoke about doing for quite some time. When the day and time was upon us for the actual interview, we spoke for an hour on the phone before officially hitting the record button and once the interview was finished we spoke for yet another hour. (Next time we will have to press the record button so we can then reveal what hit the cutting floor. Maybe an encore Podcast is in our future? Hmm.)

I have nothing to write about because this is something for you to hear about.

Thank you for your friendship! 

  WTL-comments

No, I am not interested!

“Hello! Here is a little information about my latest book.” Grasping to a bookmark about my latest book I reach out to a passerby, extending my arm, my life, my vulnerability. 

“No, I am not interested!” Was the reply from this guy who didn’t even break his gaze to acknowledge me.

Crap! The heck with you! I roar to myself. My heart sinks, deep. The mosh pit of my mind starts raging. People are passing me by. They’re not talking to me about my book. What am I doing here? This is not working. This is a waste of my time. Thoughts were moshing around the pit of my mind. Ahhh! Crap!

I stay and remain resolute, but need a quick break. “Time for a quick bathroom break,” I mutter to myself. I walk away from trying so hard and, instead, move toward allowing myself to flow into simply being. I stroll to the restroom away from the scene allowing myself the opportunity to reframe. I feel better

 On my way back I walk between the corridors of shelves lined with hundreds of books. At the end of one of the corridors I take a right-hand turn. This takes me toward theCustomer Service desk which lies in the center of the store. It is like one of those traffic circles in the middle of town allowing traffic to easily flow through. Yielding to oncoming customers I navigate around the Customer Service desk back into the flow.

Realizing that I am grasping on to remnants of frustration from the ”No. I am not interested!” guy, my bruised ego is looking for a fight. Up ahead I see this young man with a few friends heading in my direction. My wounded ego wants to redeem itself by having me remain ‘in my lane’ and not yield to this man.

The closer I get the bigger he appears. Do not allow his presence intimidate you. I hear my ego barking commands. Okay. This is silly. You are just pissed off at being rejected by the “No. I am not interested!” guy. He was not ready to receive your story. Sound familiar? That was you a long time ago, resistant to everyone and everything. No matter how people tried to connect with you, you pushed them away. Just stop it and let these people pass!

Like an 18-wheeler rumbling down the freeway at full throttle this powerful looking guy and his friends blew past me. I felt a gust shake me as they roared by, but I still remained on my path. Wow! That dude was a monster. I don’t think I will be talking to him about my book. He would probably laugh at me and squash me. I thought to myself as I ventured back to my table. Whew! I was spared!

A dozen or more minutes pass me by until I see the man who roared past me now standing across the walkway from me. He is as large as life and talking to the store manager who is an angel; always smiling and a delight to talk to.

I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation as she spoke with this man about love, about relationships, about anger and frustration. Huh? What! Did she read my book? Oh my gosh, she is amazing. I thought to myself.

When I snapped out of my daydream I found myself across the aisle, away from my table and standing directly in front of this man! Oops! What the heck am I doing? This guy is going to squash me like a bug.

My thoughts do not deter me though and for some reason I find myself extending a hand in greeting. “Hey! I apologize for intruding, but I couldn’t help overhear your conversation. My name is Tom Corner. I am here for a book signing today. I think this is something you might want to read….”

I sensed his energy of strength and felt it, as his hand enveloped mine in greeting. “What’s it about?” He asked. I proceeded to share my story about the struggles with anger and self-destruction to ultimately find my true strength in love and acceptance.

“Wow! I woke up this morning and for some reason I felt compelled to come here today,” he replied. “A couple weeks ago I had an experience similar to the one you just described.”

“Well, I believe things happen for a reason,” I replied. “By the way, I own that book you have in your hand. It’s a good one.” He held onto Mark Manson’s book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck. The title itself screams “Pick me up!” 

Then his girlfriend walked over, “Hey baby, you’ve got to hear this guy’s story,” he said enthusiastically. “Can you tell her what you just told me? She has to hear this. This is amazing!” He excitedly commented as though he had just won the lottery (of life).

I proceeded to tell my story again and in that moment I knew I was intended to speak with this man. “Hey! Come over to my table. I’d like to give you something.” We walked back to the table where my books were on display. “I bought a copy to support the bookstore and hoped to give it to someone as a gift. I would like you to have this.” I handed my book to him.

“Wow! Really?”

“Yes, I think my story will resonate with you,” I spoke some more about the book and he reflected on his current situation.

“Thank you. This is amazing! I could give you a hug.”

“Come on over!” Unafraid, I walked around the side of the table to hug this man.

“This is great. I could use this book,” commented his friend, who’s presence was just as powerful. “I have to read this!!”

After momentarily allowing my ego to misinterpret the encounter with the “No, I am not interested!” guy I shifted my wrong perception back to the truth of love and acceptance. This allowed the enlightening conversation with this man and his friends to arise. 

Through my eyes I initially saw a very strong and confident individual, even intimidating. Yet, when I approached him, I approached him with an energy of love. He was seeking answers and a way to see clearly through clouds of anger, rage and doubt. 

I leave you with this question to ponder: Was what happened that day another coincidence? Was it a coincidence that a group of strangers became one? (My previous blog article: Four Strangers Become One. Coincidence?)

Thank you for your belief and your love.

Tom

P.S. After my amazing encounter with my new friends something in my book called to me. The following lines are from Chapter One: My Year of Enlightenment. Enjoy.

“Before you read any further, I ask that you pick up this book, pull it to your chest, and hold it close to your heart. Wrap your arms around the cover as though you were hugging a loved one. If you feel resistance or embarrassment about the foolishness of this exercise, do it anyway. Your resistance and embarrassment are fear in disguise.” 

BarnesandNoble(11.03.2018)